


Thinly-Veiled Cannibalism Pun Goes Here

by FriendshipCastle



Category: Hannibal (TV), 幽☆遊☆白書 | YuYu Hakusho: Ghost Files
Genre: Crack, Gen, I have literally seen none of the Hannibal show I'm just friends with people who love it, T for swears and the fact that it's about cannibalism, cannibalism mention
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-15
Updated: 2016-12-15
Packaged: 2018-09-08 18:07:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 984
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8855656
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FriendshipCastle/pseuds/FriendshipCastle
Summary: Okay so Episode 96 of YuYu Hakusho had Yu accusing some spirit dudes of cannibalism and my anime friend and I thought that was the most hilarious accusation to have apropos of nothing. We also wondered how Yu's cannibal-spotting abilities would work against the best-known fictional cannibal out there at the moment. This happened.





	

**Author's Note:**

  * For [KinoKahn](https://archiveofourown.org/users/KinoKahn/gifts).



“Thank you so so so much for watching them on short notice,” Yusuke’s weird cop neighbor said as he tried to tie his loafers and put a jacket on at the same time. “I should be back tomorrow but you know what to do, feeding time is—“

“Yeah, I got it,” Yu said, already collapsing to the floor so the dogs could pile on him. It was how he kept them from freaking out that their owner was leaving. They whined and yipped, covering him in a fine dusting of dog hair.

“I put a check on the table, help yourself to some perishables, and I’ll call you if I won’t be back tomorrow. Is that all right?”

“No problem. Have a good crime scene.” Yu ruffled some ears and played some tug-of-war with the golden retriever, then made the executive decision that everyone needed to go for a walk. He was the resident hooligan here and pretty tough for his size so he didn’t go down when all the dogs started popcorning all over him, leaping and yelping in ecstasy as he unravelled their leashes, but it was a near thing. A few of the pups got some serious air.

He clipped them all in, clipped them all to his special dog-walking belt (like a regular belt, but even more mangled than the rest of his clothes), and let himself out of the house, tucking the spare key into his pocket. He let the dogs lead him around. They knew their favorite spots and he tidied up after them, but otherwise he just leaned back and let them drag him. He stuffed his hands in his pockets and watched the sky fade into grey as clouds scudded across the horizon.

“Excuse me, are those Will Graham’s dogs?”

Yu tipped his chin town and raised an eyebrow. “Who wants to know?”

The man asking about the dogs was way too well-dressed. Every article of clothing matched, and looked like it would match the wallpaper in the guy’s house too, and would potentially match his couches and throw pillows as well. He had a small shopping bag with a wine bottle poking out of it (it had a classier label than the shit Yu’s mom drank) and some other snooty food like wheels of cheese and long bread and artfully cascading leafy greens.

“I am Will's… friend,” the man said. He said it the way Kurama said it when he called Hiei his friend, like he was picking a word out of dozens available to him that would describe his relationship to the other man, though none were exactly right.

“Cool,” Yu said. “I’m his dogsitter.” He whistled between his teeth and the dogs all gathered around him, staring up in adoration. Yu maintained eye contact with the fancy fucker in the wallpaper suit.

“Oh, is Will out of town?” said the man.

Yu took a deep, annoyed breath in through his nose and realized, “Oh, you eat people.”

The man froze. His mouth opened a little, then closed. He cocked his head slightly, then moved his chin back to its original position. Finally, he said, “I’m sorry, what?”

“You eat people.”

“I am not sure what you mean.”

Yu took his hands out of his pockets and held them out in an ‘are you kidding me’ gesture. “I mean you eat people. What the fuck, you aren’t a demon or anything, what would be the point?”

“I’m not… a demon?” The man’s eyebrows were starting to pinch together. “I don’t follow, young man. What is your name?”

“Ura— Wait, you do it the other way around. Yusuke Urameshi.”

“And you are from Japan, yes?”

“No, I’m Canadian. Yeah, I’m from Japan, so what? You fucking eat people, that’s fucked up. I hope the cops catch you. Will’s a cop, he should know better.”

“I really don’t see why you think I am… That I eat people.” The man gave a small, breathy laugh that sounded like he was full of library dust. 

Yu took a step back. The dogs stood to follow as Yu said, “It’s got a very distinctive smell.”

“Really?” The man gave that not-a-laugh again.

“Yeah. A couple of my friends have it around them but it’s been fading. This fox guy and the little dude with three eyes he’s dating.”

“Are— Are you saying you can smell people’s diets? And that you have friends who eat people? And they—?”

Yu rolled his eyes. “Yeah, obviously. Hey, I told you my name, what’s yours?”

“Will doesn’t talk about me?” The man’s eyebrows pinched together even more and his weird mouth started to turn down.

“I see the guy when he’s running out the door and yelling about which dogs need their flea meds, we don’t talk about anything,” Yu said. “Who are you?”

“I am Dr. Hannibal Lecter, and I am most certainly not—“

“Ha!” Yu put his hands on his hips, threw his head back, and cackled. “It even rhymes in English! That’s fucking priceless! Damn. Okay, I gotta get these guys home. Don’t try and murder me or whatever, I don’t wanna make trouble, I’m a fucking high school dropout. I just hope they catch you before I gotta do something about you.”

Lecter stared at Yu for another moment, then set his bag down and sat down on the curb. He put his head in his hands. “He doesn’t talk about me and you are… less than appetizing. This is terrible.”

One of Will’s friendlier dogs gave him a couple sniffs till Yu whistled it back. “Yeah, okay, you got to make a reference to eating me, you happy now? I’m gonna go. It’s feeding time. I better not have to see you around cuz, you know, eating people is really shitty.” He gave the sad cannibal guy a wave and steered Will's dogs home for their breakfast.


End file.
